-

I hate to deviate from the plan at hand, but in all my luck i'm drunk and at home again. I've devised charts and graphs to avoid such events; however my equations never involved you, so they're flawed at best.

.

i want it back. i need to have it back.

-

It's sorta like the feeling you get when you look around and see:
-piles and piles of filthy clothes
-two fully filled ashtrays
-several half-drank coffee cups
-glass cleaner / febreeze
-half-finished work
-mostly uncrossed to-do lists
-every inch of your desk filled
and you think, yeah, i'm fucking glad there's nobody around to fuck this up.

-

Remember us for our exaggerations, not our reality!

.

MY FIRST REGRET WAS WAKING UP THAT MORNING FEELING LIKE A MILLION BUCKS. MY SECOND REGRET WAS ANSWERING YOUR PHONE CALL. MY THIRD REGRET WAS THAT YOU DIDN'T HEAR THE LAST TWO WORDS I YELLED AT YOU ON THE PHONE. MY FOURTH REGRET WAS NOT REALIZING UNTIL MIDNIGHT THAT IT WOULDN'T HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE. MY LAST REGRET IS THAT I STILL HAVE HOPE.

-

should i still wash my sheets every four weeks even if it's a bed in which no woman ever sleeps or i should i second guess shaving three times a week because shaving costs money and i can barely afford to eat and should i cut my hair short and be proud of my family's forehead and practice smiling in mirrors every spare glance i get and probably...

-

I COULD STOP IF I WANTED TO.

.

35 at 22.

.

I DON'T CARE THAT YOU CARE THAT I DON'T CARE.

.

/ ///// /// /// /// ///////// /// /////. // /// /// ///////// /// // // ////// /// /// / ///// // ////, /// /// / //// //// // ///// //// //. /// //// ///// //// /////// // // //// /// // //// / /// ////// //// /// //// / ///// // ////. //// ///! //// //// /// ////// ////! //// //// ////// //! ///// ///// // /////! //// /// //// //////// //// /// //// ////? //// /// //// ////? // ////? /// //// //// /// ////// // /// ////.

.

.

The sky was raging, the boy disappeared,
I fell on my knee
Atmosphere broke up, the boy reappeared.
I cried, “Take me please!”

Ice, it was shining.
I could feel my heart, it was melting.
I tore off my clothes, I danced on my shoes.
I ripped my skin open and then I broke through.
I cried, “Break it up, oh, now I understand.
Break it up, and I want to go.
Break it up, oh please take me with you.
Break it up, I can feel it breaking,
I can feel it breaking, I can feel it breaking,
I can feel, I can feel, I can feel, I can feel.”

-

-

WAYS OUR BODIES BETRAY US:

EVEN WITH EYES CLOSED, WE FIND OURSELVES LOOKING FOR SOMETHING.

.

TAKE A CHANCE.
LAST CHANCE.
NO MORE CHANCES.

.

"you weren't supposed to hear that."

-

DO WHATEVER YOU WANT AS LONG AS NOBODY GETS HURT.

AS LONG AS BOTH PARTIES AGREE, DO IT, WHATEVER.

WHATEVER FEELS RIGHT, AS LONG AS YOU BOTH WANT TO DO IT AND NOBODY GETS HURT, THERE'S NO REASON NOT TO.

AS LONG AS THERE'S MUTUAL AGREEMENT AND THE RIGHT FEELING, NO MATTER WHO OR WHAT.

WHATEVER FEELS RIGHT.

.

nothing ever didn't happen

.

• YOU
• WERE
• NEVER
• WORTH
• THE
• TROUBLE
  

.

you almost got away with it.

-

SO I GUESS IT WOULD PROBABLY be sorta like this place is so terrible and i feel terrible and this place is actually the worst and i'm probably too drunk or something and pretty loud i think i get pretty loud when i get pretty drunk and i think i maybe laugh too often and feel pretty ashamed at being a bit psyched on what a joke it is what a joke it all is but continue to push the bar the having an okay time despite it being a not-so-okay time bar and maybe you'll think that an okay time is what you'd like to have as well and come over to where i might be and say something like "you look like we have books or music or something in common" and i'd smirk sorta and say "yeah, 1994 screamo?" and you'd say "oh yeah, fuck you buddy, i'm sure you say that to all the girls" and i probably won't believe you but be pretty excited when you cite cap'n jazz and we smile super big together and yell really loud with fists clenched against chests "THIS WHOLE WORLD IS A WASTE OF MY TIME" and nobody else in the room would appreciate it so we'd laugh harder but the kinda laugh that is very strong so we'd smother our laughs in the other's personal space where neck and shoulders meet and i think "oh, how strange" and i expect you to say something really terrible and not what i want to hear like "oh, i've slept with the majority of the people you know" or "i'm sixteen" but instead you stand up straight and stretch and i do the same and hey wow you're shorter than me awesome and hey you haven't ran away yet so i assume i'm in the clear and i FAST FORWARD A FEW WEEKS AND we're hanging out in my bed maybe sorta naked watching season six of the simpsons because it has always been my favorite and it's probably your favorite too or maybe at least is now and maybe we kiss occasionally but laugh more frequently and it's pretty good we're both psyched on this arrangement and we're probably not having sex ever because i said once "can't have sex, sex steals souls and shit" and you probably maybe feel at least sort-of the same otherwise we wouldn't be in this situation and i blink and WE'RE PROBABLY SOMEWHERE having an okay time somewhere fine and it's okay great and probably something small and irrelevant happens and i decide at random that this whole thing is just silly and i'd rather be complaining somewhere so i won't call you back but at least you won't think of me as being too shitty when i accidentally cross your mind three years from now while watching basic cable.

-

LOST IN THE LEARNING CURVE.

.

you held it like you meant it.

.

AND YOU
said it all
AND YOU
indulged yourself
AND YOU
took it for granted
AND YOU
dismissed it
AND YOU
abused it
AND YOU
wanted it back again
AND YOU
had it
but you
you will never have it again

.

you don't have to worry about me worrying about you any longer.